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Navigating Body-Talk for Eating Disorder Recovery

Writer's picture: Dina SkaffDina Skaff

Updated: Jan 10



Body-talk is so prevalent in our society that it is difficult to avoid these types of discussions in day-to-day conversations. Body comments of any form can be triggering for someone living with an eating disorder. Even if an individual is doing well in their recovery, hearing or engaging in body-talk can lead to struggles, including challenges with nutrition.  


When we avoid body-talk, it helps to create "nutrition safety". This means that it can provide a safe space with minimal triggers, which can help to make nutrition more manageable for individuals working on eating disorder recovery.  Even though body-talk is so normalized, we actually don’t need to participate or engage in these discussions.  Instead, I encourage shifting the focus away from bodies, and instead focus on other things that are of value to you.  However, even if you take extensive measures to create nutrition safety for yourself and loved ones, there will likely be many occasions when triggers, such as body-talk, are unavoidable. If you or a loved one is living with an eating disorder, how can you navigate body-talk to support eating disorder recovery?


When we avoid body-talk, it helps to create"nutrition safety".

Dealing with Body-Talk

If people around you are engaging in body-talk, wouldn't it be helpful to have some scripts in your back pocket to shut this down?  I thought so... So the following are some ideas and suggestions for dealing with body-talk and body comments.  If some of this looks familiar to you, you may have seen my blog post: Managing the ‘New Year, New You’ Messages in Eating Disorder Recovery”. I did something similar in the Dealing with Diet-Talk” section of that post!


Responses to body-talk could look like this:

  • "Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. There are no 'good' or 'bad' bodies."

  • "That person’s body is none of my business.  There are so many other interesting things to talk about.  How’s your new job going?"

  • "What is a “beach body” anyway?  Any body could go to the beach, if they want to…"

  • "Hmm... You know, I’m not sure if I have (gained/lost) weight.  Is that important to you?"

  • "You don’t have to change your body to fit into clothing.  Clothing should fit the person, not the other way around. " NOTE: Some of these responses may stop someone in their tracks, or invoke a whole other conversation… so if you’re not ready to get on a soap box, you may want to try re-directing or not taking part in the conversation at all (see below).

You can choose to redirect the conversation, like this:

  • It sounds like you’re liking that eating plan... I’m wondering - how is school this semester?

  • Sounds like you enjoy working out… Do you like to travel?

  • "I’m not sure if I have (gained/lost) weight.  Do you have plans for the summer?"

  • Have you read any good books lately? I’m reading...<insert book name here> …and it is fantastic!  (Hint: Yes, it is OK to not even acknowledge body-talk and flat-out change the topic!)

 

You can also choose to not take part in the conversation. 

This could range from remaining silent to leaving the room.  It is 100% ok to turn your back and walk away from someone making body comments, and leave a conversation engaging in body-talk! 



If Your Loved One Comments on Their Own Body

If your loved one is living with an eating disorder, they may express a lot of concerns about their own body weight, shape or size. They may make comments about their body, or ask you to comment on their body.  How can you respond is a safe and supportive way?


This is a common concern that comes up for those who are supporting a loved one with an eating disorder.  These types of comments or questions often come to the surface when an individual is struggling and their eating disorder is challenging them significantly. They may ask body-focused questions in hopes of quieting the disorder thoughts with some reassurance.  But responding with more body-comments can actually be harmful in the long run.  


Your loved one likely needs support at those times. Remember that making any comments about bodies (your loved one’s body or anyone else's) can trigger an eating disorder, even if it is considered a "compliment".  Body comments also emphasize the message that a body’s weight, shape or size is important.  (My blog post "Body Comments are Never Helpful" talks about these points in more depth.)


Here are some thoughts and suggestions I often provide to parents and other carers for these types of situations:

  • Provide lots of compassion and support. 

  • Let your loved one know that you can see how challenging things must be at this time. 

  • Tell them that you imagine that they are scared, anxious, angry, frustrated, sad, confused... Their eating disorder must be really loud and is causing so much anxiety.

  • You may tell them that there is no response that will make things better. Any discussion about bodies can challenge and trigger their eating disorder further. 

  • Let your loved one know that you are there to support them. You won’t be engaging in any comments about their body. 

  • Instead, help your loved one to cope with the current challenges they are experiencing.  You may even ask them what may be helpful if you aren't sure.

  • It may be difficult for the individual to know what is helpful. Perhaps suggest some coping tools that have been helpful in the past, like watching a movie, playing a game together, doing deep breathing, spending time with a pet, or going for a short walk together (if it is safe to do so in their recovery plan). 

  • Remember that your loved one may need additional support with their nutrition during these challenging times. This may include support with planning, preparation, and support before, during and after meals.

  • You can also try to shift the focus away from the body, and highlight the amazing person that they are.  You can remind them how strong they are, and how loved they are. 


It may be difficult for your loved one to hear these types of answers or comments.  Their eating disorder may become very angry.  However, engaging in body talk will only fuel the eating disorder further.  Over time, your support can help your loved one to move past the focus on the body, and provide them with more space to work on their recovery.


What to talk about instead of body-talk

When an individual has built a community and connection through dieting and body-talk, it can be difficult to think of other topics to discuss in conversations. Here is a quick list of other things that you can discuss, that don't focus on bodies. Feel free to use these ideas or add your own ideas to this list!


  • Hobbies.

  • Your pets or favourite animals.

  • Favourite subject in school.

  • Books.

  • Movies.

  • TV shows.

  • Concerts.

  • Theatre.

  • Travel you have done.

  • Travel you would like to do.

  • Ask about other's travels.

  • Community events in your area.

  • Current or past jobs.

  • Volunteer work.

  • Favourite or new podcast.

  • Favourite YouTube channel.

  • Arts and crafts.

  • Gardening.

  • The weather... (yup... I said it! Even talking about the weather is a better option than engaging in body-talk!)

You can use this list as a starting point, and thinking about other topics that you may like to talk about. What are you interested in? What other topics could you add to your own list? Keep these in mind for future conversations, to help create a safe space for yourself and for others.


Do you need support with eating disorder recovery, disorder eating, or food or body image challenges?  Are you looking for guidance on how to support a loved one with their eating disorder recovery?   Book a call to learn more about working together.


Disclaimer: 

Blog posts are for informational and educational purposes only.  They are not considered individual nutrition counselling, and are not a substitute for medical, nutritional or mental health advice. Consult with your health care providers for individualized recommendations.


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© 2022 - 2025 Dina Skaff, Registered Dietitian

Certified Intuitive Eating Counselor

We acknowledged that the land on which Dina Skaff, Registered Dietitian and team, operates, is the unceded territory of the Algonquin Anishinaabe Nation.

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